Dealing With the Loss of a Child -- from a father's heart
By Michel Sauret - Guest Post Writer
In 2006, my wife told me she was pregnant. We weren’t married then.
We were both in college.
She had ambitious goals of becoming a federal agent, while I studied creative writing at the University of Pittsburgh.
I became scared. Terrified, actually.
I knew – in my heart, in my mind, in my soul – that we had committed adultery, and there were consequences to be paid.
People (even Christians, unfortunately) often question whether premarital sex constitutes as adultery. I think the clearest passage to address this question is when Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27 / NIV) The “woman” in question in this passage is obviously not one married to the man leering lustfully at her.
If “looking” constitutes adultery, how much more is physical intimacy?
Twelve (very emotional) weeks later, we lost the baby.
We were both in college.
She had ambitious goals of becoming a federal agent, while I studied creative writing at the University of Pittsburgh.
I became scared. Terrified, actually.
I knew – in my heart, in my mind, in my soul – that we had committed adultery, and there were consequences to be paid.
People (even Christians, unfortunately) often question whether premarital sex constitutes as adultery. I think the clearest passage to address this question is when Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27 / NIV) The “woman” in question in this passage is obviously not one married to the man leering lustfully at her.
If “looking” constitutes adultery, how much more is physical intimacy?
Twelve (very emotional) weeks later, we lost the baby.
Heather and I had gone back and forth, almost battling with each other, over the idea of abortion.
We had careers on the line. We had personal freedoms to defend.
Ultimately, I couldn’t settle with abortion because I knew, Biblically, that God was knitting our baby in Heather’s womb (Psalm 139:13 / NIV).
Unfortunately, when I thought we had finally decided to raise this child and live together, Heather lost the baby.
We had careers on the line. We had personal freedoms to defend.
Ultimately, I couldn’t settle with abortion because I knew, Biblically, that God was knitting our baby in Heather’s womb (Psalm 139:13 / NIV).
Unfortunately, when I thought we had finally decided to raise this child and live together, Heather lost the baby.
The amount of emotional pain that came from that loss surprised me.
It was like getting hit by a jet of water bursting from a fire hydrant.
It was an emotional struggle that took me years to overcome.
Keep in mind that during those emotional 12 weeks, we had given our baby a name, we were singing to it before bed each night and playing out fantasies in our heads about the type of parents we might become.
The pain became even more difficult to bear once my little sister became pregnant a year later. I felt like I had to relive the pain of the loss all over again.
It was like getting hit by a jet of water bursting from a fire hydrant.
It was an emotional struggle that took me years to overcome.
Keep in mind that during those emotional 12 weeks, we had given our baby a name, we were singing to it before bed each night and playing out fantasies in our heads about the type of parents we might become.
The pain became even more difficult to bear once my little sister became pregnant a year later. I felt like I had to relive the pain of the loss all over again.
As a result, I decided to write a short memoir about the painful journey, calling it “Child, Hold Me,” which exposes my personal and private struggles for the world to read.
I’ve been conflicted over whether releasing this story might be a good idea or not, but already many people told me how they how helpful it was for them to hear that a man like me had felt these emotions.
I think the most notable part about my story is that it’s told through a man’s eyes.
There are very few books out there that can identify with men over the loss of a child in the womb.
My goal and hope was that this book may provide comfort and hope to those who are still suffering with pain from the loss.
But I also hope that this book may bring people to God for comfort, hope and a renewal of faith.
I’ve been conflicted over whether releasing this story might be a good idea or not, but already many people told me how they how helpful it was for them to hear that a man like me had felt these emotions.
I think the most notable part about my story is that it’s told through a man’s eyes.
There are very few books out there that can identify with men over the loss of a child in the womb.
My goal and hope was that this book may provide comfort and hope to those who are still suffering with pain from the loss.
But I also hope that this book may bring people to God for comfort, hope and a renewal of faith.
Eventually, I will end up adding more details to this story to bring it to full completion.
I would love to include my wife’s perspective into the book one day, so that this journey may speak to both fathers and mothers.
Ultimately, I understand that no human story may give comfort to the suffering nearly as fully as God can.
But there is comfort in sharing our burdens with one another.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 / New King James) Though this passage is told in context to helping believers in times of sin and temptation, I find it commendable practice to taken in supporting fellow Christians even when no sin was committed by them.
If you have a chance to read, “Child, Hold Me,” I pray that my story may be a blessing to you and help bear your own burdens.
I would love to include my wife’s perspective into the book one day, so that this journey may speak to both fathers and mothers.
Ultimately, I understand that no human story may give comfort to the suffering nearly as fully as God can.
But there is comfort in sharing our burdens with one another.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 / New King James) Though this passage is told in context to helping believers in times of sin and temptation, I find it commendable practice to taken in supporting fellow Christians even when no sin was committed by them.
If you have a chance to read, “Child, Hold Me,” I pray that my story may be a blessing to you and help bear your own burdens.
About Guest Post Writer, Michel Sauret:
BIOGRAPHY:
Michel Sauret is the winner of the International Book Awards for his short story collection (Amidst Traffic) and earned the title of Army Journalist of the Year for his writing in Iraq in 2008.
His writing has been published internationally. His short story "Lost in the Night" appeared in the anthology, "Best New Writing, 2008."
Michel was born in Rome, Italy, and is a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh's English Writing department. He published his first novel, "Breathing God," at the age of 19, and has been serving as a public affairs specialist and journalist for the U.S. Army since 2004. Visit Michel's website at: www.msauret.com
Michel Sauret is the winner of the International Book Awards for his short story collection (Amidst Traffic) and earned the title of Army Journalist of the Year for his writing in Iraq in 2008.
His writing has been published internationally. His short story "Lost in the Night" appeared in the anthology, "Best New Writing, 2008."
Michel was born in Rome, Italy, and is a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh's English Writing department. He published his first novel, "Breathing God," at the age of 19, and has been serving as a public affairs specialist and journalist for the U.S. Army since 2004. Visit Michel's website at: www.msauret.com